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La REAL academia de MI LENGUA : H de “Histeriaostomía”

academia-1
Hoy le cedo el turno a la H… y madre mía lo que me ha costado encontrar la palabreja de marras…. y es que éstas últimas entradas son las letras que he ido dejando por su dificultad.
“HISTERIAOSTOMIA”… cachonda que soy eh??? has leído bien… “histeria” + “ostomia” que no Histerectomía…
Palabra que debería estar en la RAE… no se si reivindicarla, que eso se me da muy bien. “Palabro más que morado” donde los haya… y va y cuando se lo adelanto a la “Reina Mora”…. el listón se pone más alto…. Wawwwwwwww…..
Vamos por partes:
Histeria“: del francés “Hysterie” y del griego “útero” (Esto no lo sabías eh?). Afección psicológica que pertenece al grupo de las neurosis.
ostomia“: abocamiento al exterior sería el significado interesante para hacer la palabra completa.
Por lo que tenemos que HISTERIAOSTOMIA es el momentazo de madre hasta los “cajones” y que aboca al exterior toda su histeria siendo incapaz de retenerla en sus “padentros”.


¿Que tú no tienes de eso? yo si, y lo asumo y lo cuento con total normalidad y además confesaré que más de lo que me gustaría. 
Parece que actualmente no está de moda, o mejor dicho no es muy “popular” decir que pierdes los nervios y/o estribos para con tus hijos porque precisamente lo que se lleva es “lo otro”…. el diálogo con cariño aunque hayan pintado la pared del salón a lo “gaffiti” del extra radio.
Yo paso de “modas” en este sentido…. y creo que no hay nada de malo en tener momentos de “histeriaostomía” en nuestro día a día… yo no me avergüenzo ni tampoco me enorgullezco… simplemente los tengo.
Pero desde luego no me vas a rebatir que mi palabreja no va ligada  con la maternidad. ¿Que aun no los has entendido?….. vamos a por unos ejemplos ejemplificantes:
Histeriaostomía es el estado de Mamadedos cuando ha recordado cien mil veces que los juguetes se recogen cuando se acaba de jugar… y no se han recogido… y más cuando se quedan por el pasillo y me tropiezo…. que entonces “mecagoentoloquesemenea”.
Histeriaostomía sale cuando por enésima vez les digo que la ropa se saca pieza a pieza y que la camiseta no va ligada al sueter o que las mallas no van ligadas con las braguitas y calcetines formando un 3 en 1 en el cesto de la ropa sucia…… voy a poner la lavadora y todas las piezas parecen que estén cosidas.
Histeriaostomía aparece cuando llevan una hora “chinchandose” y veo que va a acabar mal… y efectivamente es como acaba porque soy “pitonisa” y hace un buen rato que lo veo…… cada una a su habitación a la de ya!!!!!
Histeriaostomía en aquel momento que lo ves, lo ves, lo ves, has avisado… y ni caso….. se tambalea la jarra de agua…. y se tira el agua por encima….. 

Histeriaostomía en ese momento que ya te han interrumpido 100 veces en la conversación que intentas tener en la mesa con Papadedos… y que previamente le has dicho…”cariño cuando mamá y papá hablan tu debes estar callada”, “Cariño no me interrumpas que estamos hablando papa y yo… espera un momento”, “Gabi por favor no me interrumpas más por favor…. ya te he avisado”…….. “Collons!!!!! (cojones) Gabi!!!!! calla!!!! Cuando mamá y papá hablan tu te callas y punto”.

Histeriaostomía en aquel momento en el que llegas de trabajar un turno de noche y te encuentras que no han recogido como “es debido” y los restos de la cena están en el mármol de la cocina…. ¿¿¿tanto cuesta ponerlo en un recipieente adecuado y ponerlo en la nevera???

¿Más?…. no hace falta …. he sido explícita…. digo yo…..
Mamadedos

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218 Comentarios

  • Responder
    Angeles de la Sierra
    20 febrero, 2014 at 11:28 am

    has sido muy explícita…. aunque intento por todos los medios no llegar a ese punto, hay veces que una puede aguantarlo más y qué agusto te quedas. Muchos de los ejemplos que has puesto, me han recordado más a situaciones con el padre de la criatura…..jejejejejeje claro, el peque es todavía muy peque, aunque con grandes dotes de sacar a uno de sus casillas, miedo me da cuando crezca y se junten los dos (cada uno con lo suyo)…..va a ser unna auténtica histeriaostomia!!!!!!!!!!

    besazos!

  • Responder
    Pao Malanga
    20 febrero, 2014 at 11:37 am

    Beaaa!!! Ole ole ole ole ole!!! Sos una genia! Flor de palabro te elegiste para hoy! Yo creo que hay momentos en que la histeriaostomía también se apodera de mí. Y eso que todavía no vamos 2 años! Te leo y asumo que lo peor todavía no llegó! Fabuloso AZ, mi queridísima amiga! Todos los aplausos para vos, che!

    Te adoro, besazos

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    La Morada de Nieves
    20 febrero, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Ostras Beaaaaaaaa. Qué genialidaaaaad!!!! Si mi universoledad iba ligada a tu dejamestar, mi ñiiiiiiiño es el desencadenante de tu histeriaostomíaaa!!!! Jajajajaja me he partido la caja entera con la definición y los "padentros". Tía… Vamos a escribir a la DRAE, y de paso que nos devuelvan la CH y la LL, jajajaja.
    Y bueno, en lo que respecta al contenido, te diré que es imposible estar más sincronizada a ti. En mi casa se reproducen exactamente las mismas escenas. Y, como dices, una cosa es la moda, el postureo en uno u otro extremo, y otra la realidad misma del diadia y la forma de afrontarla según te pille el cuerpo.
    Un besazo, craaaack!!!

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    Genial y fantástico, me ha encantado y me has sonreír imaginando las situaciones, que parece que me veo a mi misma…
    Muchos Besos

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    20 febrero, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Qué bien me lo estoy pasando esta noche leyéndoos de verdad. A mi la histeriaostomía me viene a menudo, lo confieso (incluso hablo de ello en mi post del vaivén) y no me gusta, pero verlo aquí en tu post, contado con tanta gracia como tienes me hace verlo con otros ojos, los ojos de "quitemoslehierroalasunto" y "nosoylaunicamenosmal". Genial post Bea.

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    Explícita??? punto 1, 4 y 5 de las explicaciones de histeriaostomía…son el resumen de mi domingo juasjuas
    Mis padentros y yo no nos llevamos muy bien últimamente…el quiere que retenga, pero yo no puedo…y quien diga que es capaz, de mantener el tipo 24 horas al día con hijos….MIENTE!! eso si…queda más bonito ser madre Van De Kamp y hacer galletas cuando estás a punto de meterlos a ellos en el horno 😉
    Besazos!

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    Jajajajajajaja Bea… ¡Te has explicado de cajones! Yo creo que esas dos formas de las que hablas no son incompatibles. Es decir, el diálogo, el "amuggg"… "Monami"… Es algo que nos sale a todas. Pero la histeriaostomia (creo que lo he escrito bien) es impepinable. Y quien diga que no la sufre de vez en cuando y de cuando en vez… Miennnnnnte como perra bellaca. Yo intento hablar, repito las cosas las veces que haga falta… Pero el tono no es el mismo cada vez que lo repites, no, imposible. Y sobre todo cuando ves que la actitud de tu pequeño Alien es joderte la marrana con media sonrisa y dice… Vamos a sacar de sus casillas a madre… Resumiendo, que todas y repito TODAS, tenemos momentos de liberación de adrenalina y versión #gritoymepongorojahastaquesemesalenlosojoadelascuencas

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